


Little Conundrum--A Chibi Story

by TheStrange_One



Category: Deadpool - All Media Types, Spider-Man - All Media Types
Genre: Fluff, M/M, small trigger warning for animal abuse, smol!Peter, smol!Wade
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-02
Updated: 2019-04-02
Packaged: 2019-12-31 22:58:45
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,739
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18323684
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheStrange_One/pseuds/TheStrange_One
Summary: Chibis are the hot new pet on the market, and both Peter and Wade get one--that looks exactly like the other.





	Little Conundrum--A Chibi Story

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [A Little Goes a Long Way](https://archiveofourown.org/works/15857235) by [LunaStories](https://archiveofourown.org/users/LunaStories/pseuds/LunaStories). 



> Reader (looking at this with squinty eyes): Shouldn't you be working on Kingdoms?  
> Author (holding up a shield): I know, I know, but I read the story and it was so awesome and cute I had to write this one shot!

Deadpool, merc with a mouth, wanted dead (hah!) or alive in fourteen different countries, strolled the flea market. People argued and bargained for goods, sellers actively called people to view their wares, and no one gave the leather-clad mercenary a second look. Deadpool even passed someone dressed in what looked like dripping wet seaweed as he walked through looking at everything, touching everything—and no one getting mad.

Too bad flea markets were only two (or three, depending on the state) days a week. The market had several long, thin buildings—similar to barns—and each building was surrounded by tables filled with strange items; the flotsam of human lives.

There was everything at this market! There were beds, sea glass, a tattoo parlor (not sanitary people) and even an electric mixer that looked like an elephant with a really long dong.

[Oh. My. God. _That_ is hideous! It almost makes _us_ look good!]

{You should totally buy it! Who knows, it might even work.}

Wade paid fifty cents for the thing and the man who sold it smirked knowingly and said it was great for making pancakes.

[Hah!]

A few tables later Wade also bought a bag to put it in, so that he could sling it over his shoulder. When he reached the building portion, he heard birds chirping. Curious, he wandered over.

{Wonder if there are any pets in there that won’t run from us?}

[We’re not responsible enough for a pet.]

{Pfft. We are! We always pay the delivery guy! }

[And then he leaves.  A pet can’t leave. ]

_We’re just looking_ . 

The woman behind the counter actually smiled to see him. Few people smiled to see Deadpool.

{Spiderman smiles at us!}

[Like we can see that under his mask!]

“We’ve got some of the hot new chibis in the back,” the woman said interrupting.

“Chibis?” asked Deadpool. He’d never heard of such a thing—but they sounded adorable.

“In the large tank against the wall.” She pointed and he followed her directions through cages with puppies, kittens, and baby monkeys (are those even legal to sell?) until he reached a huge tank that took up a good half of the wall, from the ground up. Inside the tank (no lid), were what looked like small people. Some were shorter than others, some taller, not a single one was over sixteen centimeters tall. They were all wearing a single garment that hung on them like large shirts. He bent down in fascination as he stared at the bizarre things. Some of them looked like smaller, normal humans (in perfect shape except for a head that was slightly too big) while some of them had wild coloring. One had red hair and green skin, another was black with light brown spots, and still a third was three different shades of blue. All over. 

They were collected in groups around the tank. Some by a water dish (one  _in_ the water dish), some by what looked like a food dish (with carrots and crushed peppermint candy in it) some jogging, some lying down—all doing stuff. “Ooo,” he cooed at them.

The tiny humans looked up at him—and then scattered. Most congregated in shivering masses in the corners of the tank, some burrowed into what looked like leaf litter, one even turned the water dish upside down and hid under that.

[Must be human. We have that effect on people.]

{Not all of them! Look!}

Wade’s gaze was drawn to a small one, about fourteen centimeters tall with brown hair that stuck out in every direction and wide amber eyes that gazed up at the mercenary without fear.

{He’s beautiful!}

[He has no sense of self preservation. Look, he’s even reaching for us!]

He was. The little human—the chibi—was reaching up for him and making demanding noises. Deadpool reached into the tank and the little human jumped an astonishing distance into his hand and then grabbed Deadpool’s thumb. “You’re adorable,” breathed Deadpool,  almost afraid to frighten the little thing.

“He’s one hundred dollars,” the woman said, standing behind Deadpool. It was a testament to how smitten he’d been with the chibis that he hadn’t even heard her come up. The woman grinned. “Three hundred,” she added, “if you want everything he’s supposed to have.”

Deadpool laughed and the chibi cooed as it cuddled his thumb. “And they say  _I’m_ mercenary!” he teased the woman as he pulled out his wallet.

[This is a bad idea.]

 

“This is a bad idea,” Peter protested as Harry dragged him into the shop. Not just any shop—a pet shop. And Harry couldn't be happy with just any old pet shop that sold cats and dogs and gerbils—oh, no. No, he had to drag Peter into one of the highly controversial shops that sold chibis.

No one was entirely certain what chibis were, exactly. Some explorer in the jungle had found the odd little, animal-like humans and taken some home. Soon they were everywhere as pets—and there were a lot of people who thought that keeping a chibi as a pet was nothing more than slavery in the modern age. Peter should know; Jamison had forced him to write an entire article on it.

It  _had_ been discovered that chibis, unlike most wild animals, absolutely  _thrived_ with humans. They responded positively to affection, and even returned it. There were stories on the internet of chibis stealing small things to make their owners presents—but Peter wasn’t sure how much stock he put in those stories. After all, look at the thing’s he’s had to write for the Bugle about Spiderman…

The shop was clean and net, everything labeled with price tags. Huge price tags—the price of some of these things cost as much as two months’ rent.  There were clothes that cost more than his weekly food budget, toys almost as expensive as his camera and looked much more fragile, and even  _small plants_ with huge price tags to them. He felt certain he’d seen the exact same plants at the hardware store for  _much_ less money.

One of the store workers, with acute money detecting senses at work, zeroed in on Harry and dragged him along to a wall lined with five and ten gallon tanks. In each five gallon tank is a single chibi, and in the ten gallon ones are two. “Socializing is important for chibis,” the saleswoman told them firmly. “They can get their socializing from humans, but it’s good for them to meet with other chibis. What kind of space are we talking about here?”

“Cluttered and messy with lots of fabric,” Harry said promptly.

“God, don’t let MJ hear you describe it like that,” muttered Peter imagining the wrath of the red-head if she heard that careless statement. He shuddered as Harry merely chuckled.

“Well, you’ll like these,” the woman said as she took them down to show another group. She listed their abilities for them and Harry turned to Peter.

“What do you think?” he asked.

Peter scanned the chibis knowing that the only reason he’d been forced along on this charade was because he’d known MJ since they were small children. “That one,” he said confidently as he pointed.

Harry frowned. “That one looks like me,” he protested.

Peter resisted the urge to roll his eyes. “I know. That’s why she’ll like it.”

“What if we break up later? I don’t want her to be saddled with a chibi that will remind her of me all the time,” Harry said with maturity and the experience of far too many failed relationships. “That one,” he said pointing at one with dark brown hair that went to his waist.

“Wise choice,” preened the saleswoman as Peter tried to avoid looking at the price tags.

“Aiyaah!” screamed a tiny, shrill voice as something dropped on Peter’s head.

He went perfectly still—but his senses hadn’t acted up so this thing, whatever it was, wasn’t a threat. What was it? He tried to peer at the top of his head, but couldn't as what felt like two little hands gripped into his hair tugging his hair almost painfully.

“Goddammit you little runt!” snarled a man as he ran to where Harry and Peter were standing. “How dare you—oh. Hi.” The man, portly and balding, shuffled his feet nervously as the unmistakable sound of a raspberry went off from the top of Peter’s head. 

“Hi,” echoed Peter. He reached up towards his head.

The man’s eyes widened with genuine fear. “Don’t!” he cried, reaching out slowly—too slowly.

Peter tensed, waiting to be bitten or injured. Instead something glomped onto his hand and he pulled it down to stare at the thing. It was a chibi—but not like the others. It was taller, for one thing, and wider with coarse muscles—and it was very, very badly scarred. He stared at the thing as it looked at him with wide blue—ice blue—eyes while it gripped his thumb. “Eeyo?” it asked.

“Hi,” Peter said.

“Eeyo!” The chibi began to rub its face over the pad of Peter’s thumb and chuckle softly as Peter felt his heart melt.

“Aw,” Peter cooed at the adorable little thing.

“You want him?” asked the man. Peter looked up to see the strange man was grinning. “He’s _yours_.”

“Wait—I don’t know how to take care of him!”

“With a heavy rock and a good throw into the Hudson would be my suggestion,” growled the man.

“Doctor!” said the saleswoman, clearly appalled.

The man, the doctor, rolled his eyes. “Look, the little bastards thrive on love. He loves you; you have everything you need.”

“I don’t think—”

“And if your friend’s not buying anything, both of you can get out while we clean the latest mess of that little monster.”

A moment later both Peter and Harry found themselves on the street outside the store, confused as Peter held the chibi with a hand as he replayed the scene in his mind. Suddenly Harry laughed. “Seriously,” the other man chuckled, “how weird is it that we go into the most expensive pet store in the state and  _you’re_ the one that gets a pet?”

“I—”

“Ah, I’ll just take it as a sign that I need to give MJ something that _isn’t_ alive for our anniversary.” Harry walked off whistling a merry tune as Peter stared at the small chibi cradled against his chest.

“At least,” he said with a half smile, “I know _one_ person who’ll be humored.”

 

As it turned out, Peter knew two of them. “Come on, Gwen,” he pleaded with the platinum blond who knew his secrets. All his secrets—the girl put the best paid journalists to shame. “I can’t leave him alone,” he said as he gestured to the scarred chibi perched on Gwen’s desk and glaring daggers at the girl.

“First of all Peter,” she said with a sigh, “you shouldn't have bought him if you knew this was going to be a problem.”

“You think I could have predicted a huge sewer rat crawling out of my toilet and him attacking it with a pencil?” It had been all Peter could do to save the little chibi as he tried to use the pencil like a sword.

She ignored him as she glared right back at the fearless little chibi sitting on her desk. “Second of all, what were you thinking splurging on this thing?”

“I did mention that he was kind of free—” He suspected, given how quickly he’d been booted out of the shop, that “free” was a little bit of an understatement. It felt like they’d been a hair’s breadth away from paying _him_ to take the chibi.

“Have you even named him yet?” she demanded.

Peter shifted, even more uncomfortable. “Well—yes,” he admitted. “His name is—Wade.”

Gwen broke the glaring match and looked at Peter with a raised eyebrow. “As in, Wade Wilson?”

“Ah, yeah, kind of?” Peter rubbed the back of his neck nervously.

“As in, the alter ego for one notorious mercenary known as Deadpool?” continued Gwen mercilessly.

Peter laughed nervously as the chibi pinned him with an unreadable look. “Awoo?” he asked curiously.

“As in, the _same_ mercenary,” Gwen continued, “that you’ve had a _crush_ on for almost two years?”

“Gwen!” Peter stared at her in horror. “You promised you wouldn't bring that up!”

She smirked. “And now I’ve been paid. Go. Patrol. Tell your would-be boyfriend about your new chibi and his name.” Peter rolled his eyes, but left.

The chibi looked up at Gwen and growled. “Don’t look at me like that. All he needs is a little push.” She grinned and the chibi flinched. “And I am  _always_ available for that push.”

 

Deadpool waited until he was certain his little chibi was asleep before he decided to shower. The things that had come with it were all over the small apartment, taking it over, making it feel more like a home.  He actually felt—better, somehow, just by having the chibi with him.

[That’s not going to last once it gets a good look at our skin.]

{Yeah, it’ll run just like the other chibis did.}

It had to be a quick shower; he didn’t want to leave the little thing alone too long. He went into the bathroom, stripped, and got into the water to wash. Despite his best intentions he began to sing while he washed, because he always sang in the shower. 

Suddenly he was interrupted by wordless crooning along with his song and he pulled the curtain back to reveal—the chibi, on the side of the tub, trying to sing along with him. He tried to recoil away, slipped in the slick tub, and fell down. The chibi saw him, crooned anxiously, and jumped in the tub towards him.

[Keep him away from the water! It’s too hot!]

Deadpool reached out and caught the thing before the water hit it, and cringed  when the little thing came into contact with his skin. The chibi—didn’t seem to care. It cooed and climbed up to his shoulder before sitting down, one hand holding his ear, and began to wordlessly warble again. Noticing that Deadpool wasn’t singing along, he smacked the ear and tried again.

{He’s not scared!}

[Must be too small to really see the scars, or too stupid to understand what they mean. Congratulations—you found the one stupid chibi.]

_He’s not stupid!_

Deadpool stood up and began to sing along with the chibi as they showered together. Which left him with a little bit of a problem when it came time to go do patrol—what to do with the chibi? He couldn't take the little thing with him. 

Twenty minutes later he watched as Vanessa stared at the chibi. “Ey-yo!” warbled the chibi as it waved to her. 

“You want me,” she said slowly, “to watch your—your chibi.” She bit the inside of her mouth as the little toddled over, bumped into a glass, and fell down laughing. “Oh, that is precious,” she cooed.

“He might be a little drunk,” Deadpool admitted. “He stole some of my beer.”

“Did he want to drink, or want you to stop?” asked Vanessa sagely as the chibi waved a hand in front of his face and giggled.

Deadpool frowned. “Not sure,” he admitted.

{We’re a horrible chibi parent.}

[We’re the only one he’s got.]

“So, will you watch him?”

“Of course.” Vanessa blew him a kiss. “Give a kiss to your spider for me,” she called after him. She turned her attention to the suddenly sober little chibi in front of her. “Well played, little man,” she told him. The chibi grinned up at her.

 

“Spidey!” trilled Deadpool happily as he jumped towards the spandex clad hero. Spiderman expertly caught him with a web before he hit the ground and reeled him up. “Yo, Spidey!” he said.

“Hey Deadpool,” the human spider said as he reeled in the merc. Deadpool could hear the suppressed laughter.

“Spidey, you will never believe what happened to me today.”

“Do tell.”

S o, Deadpool waxed enthusiastic about his little chibi. How cute it was, how it climbed into the shower to sing with him. “And you know, it crawled into my beer! My beer Spidey! I had to rescue it, and leave it with a friend for patrol.”

[He’s going to be upset.]

{Seriously—we’re on a roof with  _that_ and we’re talking about a  _pet_ ?]

“That’s actually quite the coincidence,” Spiderman said. “I just got a chibi today too. And I, uh—I kind of named after you.”

“After _me_?”

“Yeah, and he’s really great! He’s sweet and adorable and also ferocious. Hey,” said Spiderman after a moment, “I’ve got an idea. Why don’t we get our two chibis together for a play date? After all, socializing is very important for chibis.”

“It is?”

“Well, that’s what they told me.”

“Then it _must_ be true!” 

“So, tomorrow night!”

“Be there or square Spidey!”

A bus flew past the rooftop. “Oh,” said Spiderman turning to the source even as he caught the projectile vehicle. “Someone wants to play.”

Deadpool pulled one of his swords. “Let’s not make them ask twice,” he suggested before the two of them leaped into battle.

 

“Come on,” Peter cajoled his little chibi, “you’ll like this.” The chibi shook his head and dove under the couch. “Jeez,” he whispered, “what did Gwen do to you?”

He’d arrived from patrol to see that little Wade was sitting, perfectly still, on the edge of Gwen’s desk in her room. When he popped into the room to collect his little chibi, the thing had  _bowed_ to Gwen before taking a running leap at Peter and holding on for dear life. He looked at Gwen and she simply smiled. “We had a slight misunderstanding. It’s fixed now.” She looked at Wade. “Isn’t it?” she asked dangerously.

The chibi merely shook in terror.

“Look,” Peter said as he picked up the couch with one hand, “this is nothing like that. I’m not taking you to Gwen. See, I have a friend who just got a chibi, and we thought the two of you might like to get along.” The chibi made a snorting noise. “No, really,” he said. He leaned forward and scooped up the chibi as he put the couch back down—more or less where it had been. He sat down as the little chibi took a good look at what Peter was wearing—the Spiderman outfit minus the mask. 

“Eeyo?” he asked pointing to it.

“Yes,” said Peter, hoping he was responding to the right question. “I’m going out like this. Well, this plus a mask, to meet a friend also going out like this—well, his is leather instead—and we’re both bringing our chibis tonight so that the two of you can meet and have fun.” Peter spread his free hand. “That’s all,” he assured the little chibi.

“Eeyo,” muttered the chibi as he watched the human put the mask on. “Eeyo!” it said with a scowl.

“I am _not_ going out to meet this guy without my mask,” Peter said firmly as he picked the chibi back up. He put the chibi in the carrier he’d made for it. “Now hold on tight, this is going to be fun!” The chibi yelled as he jumped out the window and made happy (at least Peter hoped they were happy) screaming noises as he webbed through the city.

“Spidey!” greeted Deadpool. “You made it!”

“I sure did,” Peter said as he gently took off the harness. He grinned under the mask, not that anyone could see it. “Deadpool,” he said as he held out the chibi, “meet Wade, the most adorable chibi ever.”

Deadpool had turned away. “Wait, wait! I want us to meet them at the same time!”  He turned around presenting a chibi in the palm of his gloved hand. “Ta-da!” he warbled.

Peter stared in mild horror at the little human that looked  _just like him—_ right down to the freckle at the corner of his temple. The chibi in Deadpool’s palm got a good look at the one in Peter’s hand, jumped down and then waddled over. “Owuu!” he said in demand as he made grabbing motions with his hands. Peter leaned down and the chibi ran over, jumped into Peter’s hands and smacked a kiss on the cheek of the chibi there before jumping down. 

“Eeyo!” protested little Wade before jumping down and the two began a lively game of tag.

“That is slightly freaky to watch,” Deadpool admitted while they watched the chibis play.

“Yes it is,” agreed Peter.

 

“And his chibi looks just like _me_!” Wade ranted at Vanessa as she read a book.

“Uh, huh,” said Vanessa.

“And not like, not like hot me before the scars and all, but more like charred and broiled me, if you catch my drift.”

“Uh, huh.” Vanessa turned a page.

“And he said it was adorable!”

Vanessa sighed. Clearly she wasn’t going to be finishing the book tonight. She carefully placed the bookmark, closed the book, and set it to the side. “Wade,” she said, “he named his chibi after you. He thinks his little chibi is adorable, and if it looks like you, then he thinks  _you’re_ adorable. Besides,” she added as she leaned back into the cushions, “you’re overlooking the most important thing here.”

“What’s that?”

“If his chibi looks like you, does yours look like him?”

 

Two nights later the two costumed men met in Wade’s apartment—now thoroughly taken over by the stuff he’d bought for the chibi. Standing in the middle of the living room as the two chibis played around them, both of them unmasked for the other. And, in a move that almost looked choreographed, the two of them met for a single kiss.

“Owuu!”

“Eeyo!”

The two looked over and saw the two chibis wave—and pop. They were gone. “Wh—what?” asked Peter in shock.

“They must,” Deadpool—Wade began before he swallowed. “They must have been here. Just so that we could find each other.”

Peter smiled. “Let’s find each other a little more.”

Two hours later Peter smacked the sleeping Deadpool awake. “Did you seriously ever attack a rat with a pencil?” he demanded.


End file.
